Monday, August 24, 2009

On a Personal Note

- We are exhausted, weary. There have even been times when we feel remarkably little. The way I describe it is “too tired to think, feel, talk, sing, or pray.” Kathryn’s words are, “Sometimes this still doesn’t feel real.” We have both commented that this life does not feel sustainable. At the same time, we know that God grants the grace and strength to sustain us. If we had known three weeks ago, when we were being transported from Northside to Egleston, what we were going to go through, we would have thought it unbearable. But God has given us exactly what we need for every day. A friend shared this link in one of his blog comments that expresses what we have been thinking, feeling, and experiencing in this season: http://www.brandonstaggs.com/spurgeon-morning-evening/02-14-AM.html
- This hospital is a pretty remarkable place, but it is filled with many sick people, and even more hurting people. A patient in our pod in the CICU just passed away. Heart breaking. We hurt so much for the family, and fear that path for ourselves. Meanwhile, other patients (like Samuel’s old neighbor, S) and their families are moving to the Cardiac Step-down Unit. Even while our hearts are heavy from our own circumstances, we regularly have opportunities to “Rejoice with those who rejoice” and “mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15).
- If you have had a hard time getting Samuel out of your minds or if you been waking up in the middle of the night thinking about him, you can blame us. One of our constant prayers is that the Holy Spirit would move on our behalf and stir people to pray for Samuel and us…even throughout the night. This is not an apology. :)
- Both Kathryn and I are feeling a bit under the weather. This makes it a little scary, at least for me, to be around Samuel. We wear masks and wash and sanitize our hands incessantly.
- For the most part our souls, while heavy and tired, are peaceful. We attribute that to the grace of God in answering your prayers.
- Yesterday, I found myself picturing God's presence with us in a different way than I had through this process. I continue to see myself kneeling before my Heavenly Father asking Him to grant my request to heal my son. In the most dire moments of yesterday afternoon as we huddled over Samuel crying, praying, singing, and touching every bit of his skin that we could get our fingers on, I pictured Jesus, "a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief" (Isaiah 53:3), between Kathryn and I with His hands on our shoulders weeping with us. I found myself hopefully thinking of the bizarre account of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead (John 11). Moments before he performed His miracle, he wept over the death of a friend. I don't understand why Jesus didn't spare himself the sorrow and just raise Lazarus from the dead right away. There is a lot that I don't and can't comprehend about my God, but I trust Him and am confident that He is good and great.

Sorry for the bulleted entry. Feeling too tired and slow-of-thought to write in prose. There is another entry (“A Medical Update”) below written at the same time and in the same style as this one. Thanks for praying. Keep it up.

23 comments:

  1. As others in the posts have said as well, we too were up through out the night praying for you all. We are and will be praying for you. As 1 Thes 5:17 simply states, " Pray continually." We are praying continually in behalf of little Samuael.

    Chris & Lori

    ReplyDelete
  2. We continue to pray! Love you guys! So glad you can feel God's presence with you!
    The Tates

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bryan and Kat, John 11 is one of my favorite chapters in the entire Bible, including verse 35 "Jesus wept." Indeed, we have a Savior who truly feels our pain, who feels your pain at this moment in time. He may not spare us from pain, but He is certainly with us through it. I hope you cling to both images: you pleading with God for your son's life, and also Jesus joining you, weeping with you, blessing you through the pain. I continue to pray that God's mighty hand would heal Samuel and continue to sustain you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. So that's why I keep waking up at 2:30AM thinking about him! :) So glad that the Spirit has Samuel so heavy on my heart and on the heart of SO many others. We continue to pray persistently and boldly to God. Heal sweet Samuel Lord. Envelop him in your heading hands.
    Melanie

    ReplyDelete
  5. Samuel is on my heart many times throughout the day and I continue to pray for healing, peace and comfort for Samuel. Thank you for taking the time to update the blog, it helps me know how to pray for you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yesterday afternoon, while I prayed, I had the very same image of Jesus sitting with both of you in Samuel's room. I pray that you continue to feel God's presence. I, too, was praying through the night, and I continue to pray...

    ReplyDelete
  7. I woke several times during the night with Samuel on my mind and prayed for you all each time. I continue to pray for you throughout the day. Rebecca Reed

    Psalm 71:6 From birth I have relied on You; You brought me forth from my mother's womb. I will ever praise You.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Samuel has been on my heart greatly, as well as you and Kathryn. I continue to have faith in our God who loves and who heals.

    Lamentations 3:22-26:
    "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thank you for updating so regularly! I did awaken around MN last night and felt compelled to pray - praying regularly in fact for you all. Thank you for your honesty and transparency. We hurt with you. I know you guys are exhausted. I am continuing to pray that the Lord will give you the peace that passes all understanding.

    Mindy and Stan

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm praying for baby Samuel with all my heart.
    Jill Harold (Pat's friend)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Bryan and Kathryn,

    Thanks for asking the Holy Spirit to bring Judy and I out of our sleep to pray for little Samuel because He has done that many times over the past several weeks. We thank God for this precious boy and continue to pray that in His mercy and grace He might heal all of his bodly organs and allow his body to function normally. We know God has the power to do it, we just don't know His plans. The Monday Night Bible Study meets tonight and we will again be crying out to God to perform a Lazarus miracle.

    Remembering with with God nothing is impossible(Luke 1:37),

    Jim and Judy

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hey Mr. and Mrs. Apinis i just wanted you to know that the Christian Student Fellowship in Lexington Kentucky will be praying for all three of you. And on a lighter note, Bryan i saw some of the things you can do with pancake batter... you have a true gift.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Been praying for Samuel and you two. I don't know you guys, but I'm down at Buckhead Church with UpStreet and was sent your blog and just wanted you to know I'm checking in and praying specifically. Praying that grace is enough for you in each moment...

    ReplyDelete
  14. You guys are constantly on my heart and in my thoughts. I continue to pray for miraculous healing. I love you all so much!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I was on duty last night around 1:30 and 5. It was a precious time. God bring more intercessors! Praying that the Jesus that weeps with you will carry you.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Chuck and I continue to pray for precious baby Samuel as well as the rest of the family. We do serve a great, good and loving God who is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or think. May He continue to give you grace, strength and peace to endure each moment.
    Prayers,too, for Pat and you both to escape the boys' illnesses.
    Love,
    Chuck and Becky

    ReplyDelete
  17. I don't know what to say except that we are praying...

    ReplyDelete
  18. I have seen miracles before, and I pray to the Lord that you and Samuel get yours. I don't know you, but was sent your blog by one of your friends. I will ask my own friends to pray as well. Keep the faith and I hope that you both find moments of peace in this ordeal. God Bless you and may you find some comfort knowing so many people, soon to be even more in number, are sending prayers for your sweet baby.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I am in Louisville, KY and a dear friend of Mike and Laura McCraw.. I am praying for you both and for little beloved child of God, Samuel.
    Much love to brother and sister and little brother in Christ.
    George Fields

    ReplyDelete
  20. Still praying for you guys, and rallying my friends to do the same. Y'all are covered in prayer!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Your strength is the kind that can only be described as Spirit filled. Through all this turmoil He is changing the lives of the people around you through your faithfulness and obedience. "Those doves below, the ones utterly cared for, never endangered ones, cannot know tenderness." Endure this awful season of life knowing that His love is never changing. We are praying for you three and your family.
    Love,
    Michael & Alex Flowe

    ReplyDelete
  22. Many, many, many prayers for you.
    Gwen Diaz

    ReplyDelete
  23. So sad for you. I don't know your family but a friend sent me the link to your website. I pray for you and think of you often. My sisters son had a heart condition at birth (HLHS) and it was painful not knowing what the future held. I pray that you will continue to have strength no matter what you are faced with.

    ReplyDelete