A Significant Date Followed By a Significant Day

Today is Samuel’s due date. August 1st seems like sooooo long ago to us. Lord, thank you for giving us these 24 extra days with our precious son, Samuel.

It was actually a pretty good day for Samuel. In fact, it was the first day in the last 5 or 6 in which he improved a bit: lung x-rays better, billirubin numbers down, urine output up a bit, etc. They were small improvements, but we’ll take them. Though, he is still definitely critically ill, we are grateful for another day and for any improvements. The flip side of the coin is that we’ve both experienced another case of emotional whiplash.

Kathryn’s uncle very graciously took Caleb and Joel for most of the day today. That allowed Kathryn’s mom (Pat) to come down and spend some time with Samuel. Pat brought with her some fresh clothes, some goodies, and a bag full of cards that had arrived through the mail or personal delivery in the last few days. K and I opened each one of them by Samuel’s bedside and read each card out loud. We were blown away by your generosity – gas cards, Starbucks cards, restaurant cards, CDs of music, etc. We count ourselves “ridiculously blessed” (to steal a phrase from John Woodall) to be surrounded by such a loving and supportive community. One of the great gifts that you all have given us in this season is the ability to give our attention where it is most needed. We have not had to worry about meals, childcare, lawn care, house cleaning, etc. Experiencing the grace of God poured out so consistently and abundantly in our lives is a humbling thing. As we read the cards, we told Samuel about the giver, about how you love him, and are praying for him. He said to say, “Merci.” He hasn’t learned English yet. ☺

A college friend of Kathryn’s and mine surprised us by stopping by the hospital very briefly today. He lives a couple of miles from Egleston and just wanted to tell us he loves us, is praying for us, and is thinking about us. It was good to see him.

K & I just had the privilege of participating in his nightly bath for the second time. It is satisfying to be able to care for his needs in a tangible way. That is what parents of newborns do, and what we’ve been able to do so little of. Because Samuel is so sick, the CICU is allowing us a few more visitors. In fact, K’s aunt and uncle are here right now spending a little time with their great (really great, in fact) nephew. We are so grateful for Colleen and Dave.

You can be praying for us about tomorrow. We haven’t seen the boys since Sunday morning, and they are coming with Grandma (“Gab’m”) in the morning. When Kathryn was chatting with our eldest on the phone tonight, she hung up with him sobbing. On the surface it was because his beloved stuffed animals, Puppy and Spikit, were left back at K’s uncle’s and aunt’s house (they are his comfort and true friends), but missing mommy and daddy and the general unpredictability of the last few weeks were certainly the undercurrent. (No worries, his friends have been retrieved.)

We are also meeting with a staff child life specialist, Stephanie, who will help them understand a little of what is going on with their little brother. We may play doctor a bit and make some pictures/crafts for Samuel. We are grateful for Stephanie. This is all new territory for us, and it is hard to know how/what to communicate to Caleb and Joel. After doing that for a bit, we are actually going to be able to bring the boys back to the CICU; we’ve been given a 30 minute window. This will be Joel’s first time (and Caleb’s second) seeing his little brother. We’ll try to give them some jobs to do to feel useful: put up the pictures, place stuffed animals, hold his hand, get Samuel’s feet and hand prints. Friends of ours from our small group through church have very kindly set up a photographer to come and take some family pictures for us. Thank you Jennifer and Tracy for serving us in such a tangible and creative way. After this, Kathryn and I plan to tell C & J that their little brother is very sick and may not come home.

We are anxious about all of this. Our hearts are heavy when we realize that this may be the only time the five of us are all together. That, of course, assumes that Samuel makes it till tomorrow morning. Please pray that the Lord grants us tomorrow with Samuel. Please pray for our reunion with the boys tomorrow morning. Please pray for our time with the child life specialist. Please pray for our time with the five of us – we want this to be a happy and memorable time, but our hearts ache every time we think of it. Please pray for our conversation with Caleb and Joel afterwards. When it comes to praying for these things I find myself leaning hard into the truth of Romans 8:26-27: “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.”

Thank you all for your continued generosity expressed in so many ways: following our story, prayers, words of encouragement, yard work, gift cards, house cleaning, meals, etc. This is the church, the body of Christ, at its best. We are humbled and grateful that, for some reason, we are the recipients of its/your love. Merci beaucoup!