Tuesday with the Apini -- Caleb in preschool and Samuel in CICU

Today was Caleb's first day of preschool. Bryan and I took him to McDonald's for pancakes before hand, and Caleb was so excited. I asked him on the way to the car, "Caleb, was this a good start to your first day of preschool?" He responded with glee, "It was a GREAT start!" Caleb was thrilled to put on his new Transformer backpack and walk down the halls to his classroom. He was the first kid in his class and went straight to his place at the table and sat down quietly. No surprise with our sweet, obedient boy. We were wondering all morning how he was doing, and my dear friend Libby peeked in on him and texted that he was having fun.

When we got home from the hospital tonight (more on the hospital and Samuel in a minute), we went in to Caleb's room to hear all about his day. He had a great day. He was telling us about the friends he made, and we had the following conversation:

Caleb: "We went to the park! And a girl asked me if I would marry her!"
Bryan: "What was her name?"
Caleb: "I don't know."
Bryan: "That would be important to find out."
Kathryn: "What did you say to her?"
Caleb: "I said, 'Sure!' She was SOOOOO beautiful!"

So I guess Caleb's first day was a grand success! I was just hoping he'd make some friends. A fiancee is a little more than I bargained for. :) I think preschool was a lot harder on me and Bryan than it was on Caleb. With all the walking away from Samuel that we've had to do, it was hard to walk away from Kebs (one of Caleb's many nicknames) too.

Today Bryan went to a work meeting for the first time since Samuel's birth. His bosses have graciously released him from work responsibilities for the time being, but Bry wanted to attend this meeting and spend some time with his team. I think it was an encouraging time for B, and we are grateful and humbled by the outpouring of love we've received from co-workers and friends. Thank you, North Point friends.

I got to the hospital around 10am this morning, which is the earliest they will let parents back to see ICU kids. (The floor closes from 6:45am-10:00am for shift changes and rounds and from 6:45pm-8:30pm. We usually head home after being kicked out at 6:45 each evening and that way make it back home just in time to kiss the boys goodnight and tuck them in.) Despite arriving at 10am today, I wasn't allowed to go back to Samuel until noon. They were taking out his umbilical line and putting a new arterial line in his arm. So I spent some quiet time journaling and talking to God in the garden. By the end of my time, I could honestly say that there is no road I want to walk down other than the road God has for us.

Samuel had a pretty good day today. His bilirubin numbers went down on their own for the first time -- yea! And he didn't have any SVT (fast heartrate) episodes. He spent a good hour or so awake today and looking at us. That was wonderful. The down side of his waking moments are when he gags and coughs from his ventilator tube. He turns red in the face and starts to cry, but no sound comes out because he's intubated. Those are sad moments; it is so unnatural for a baby not to be able to cry. The only other real news today was from the pulmonologist (lung doctor). He walked up and echoed what we've heard many times before: "I'm stumped! I am confused by your son. I can't name what is going on with his lungs. I don't understand why they are this way or what's going on." After much deliberation, he decided to do a test tomorrow called a bronchioscope where they send a camera and light down his ventilator tube to look inside his lungs. They will do the test right after Samuel's heart catheter, so they won't have to sedate him a second time. The doc isn't confident that the test will provide much info, but he's hoping maybe something will turn up. He mentioned how Samuel's lungs look like preemie lungs -- as in 30 weeks gestation. And he heard a "crackle" in his lungs. He wonders if this is due to fluids.

So apparently our son is a mystery in many ways. I am praying that the Creator of our Samuel will reveal his blueprint to these doctors so that they can know how to help him. Despite the darkness of yesterday and yesterday's news, we have felt encouraged today and more peaceful. I am again convinced that the prayers of so many are buoying us up. I don't know how people walk down these roads without a confidence in the goodness of our God and His Lordship in our lives. I can say in perfect truth, "I know our God is good. And I know He is faithful. I will trust Him. I will trust Him with our son and with our hearts."

Thank you to the many who have encouraged us, thought of such thoughtful ways to serve us, offered time, food, and help with the boys. Thank you most of all for praying. We could not face these days without that support. It is truly humbling to be loved in such big ways. We can't thank you enough.