Birthdays, Gifts, and Little Things

Today is Bryan's 32nd birthday. Caleb and Joel came to the hospital with my mom and the Thiels (my aunt, uncle, and 2 college-aged cousins) to celebrate. They set up a table in the cafeteria with subs, birthday plates, and cake and brought some presents and cards. The hospital clowns came over and sang to Bryan, and Caleb and Joel thought they were pretty silly. It was a nice time to celebrate Bryan.

After lunch we brought Caleb and Joel back up to see Samuel again for a few minutes. Before we came back, we told them that Samuel is getting sicker, and doctors don't think he will get better. We explained that if he doesn't get better, he will go to Heaven to be with God and Jesus. Caleb replied, "I'm a little bit sad about that." We told him we were too. We spent about 10 minutes with Samuel and sang him some songs, and then we four prayed over him. Joel wanted to kiss him and hold his hand, but Caleb was more reserved. Afterwards, while Bryan and I played hide-and-seek with C & J in garden, the Thiels got to come back and see Samuel too.

Richard, our favorite nurse, is taking care of Samuel today. When we came in this morning, he said, "Samuel told me he wants to give his brothers a truck or something. I thought I would go down to the gift store and get them an ambulance and a fire truck. Would that be okay?" More kindness. I am continually moved by the kindnesses of others. Richard brought us the cars in gift bags and then gave us stickers and markers to decorate them. They were a huge hit with Caleb and Joel, and they love their gifts from their baby brother. And our night nurse from last night made a card that hangs at the front of Samuel's bed. It says, "Happy Birthday, Daddy," and inside it reads, "I love you! Love, Samuel." Richard thought to add Samuel's handprint to the card. Even more kindness. And yesterday I was so tired, I was falling asleep while reading aloud to Samuel and Bryan. Our nurse, Mary Beth, took me for a walk through the employee part of the hospital and bought me a fancy coffee from the coffee shop downstairs. How do these nurses and hospital staff have the emotional space to enter into our pain and love us so kindly in it? I would expect them to keep their distance and protect their own hearts. It is a continual blessing to feel so cared for by these new friends and wonderful people.

Samuel is much the same today. He seems to have a new steady status where his numbers hover. Each morning they do lab work, and his numbers indicating liver and kidney failure continue to creep up.

We consider each day with Samuel as a gift. They are days we will never get back, and I try to cherish and enjoy each one we get. As I rejoice in the life of my son, all the little stuff of life becomes just that: little. In light of life and death and making each moment count and loving Samuel just as he is, I can let the little stuff stay little. Down the road, I hope I remember what really matters. And I hope I can remember that each day is a chance to follow God and rest in Him, a chance to truly love and embrace the people in my life, a chance to rejoice in what God has given me. Today we rejoice in Bryan's life and in Samuel's life. Thank you, Lord, for granting me such amazing boys to love. And thank you for this day with them.