Sunday, September 4, 2011

Second Anniversary of Samuel's Homegoing

On the 2nd anniversary of Samuel's homegoing to Heaven, we went to his grave as a family.  First we stopped and bought new flowers for the vase since the old ones had faded.  Like last year we each picked two flowers with no effort at coordinating.  Rather than aiming for beauty, we went for sentiment and meaning.  This year Anna got to contribute flowers as well.   Once we replaced the flowers, we sang a few songs, some of our favorites that we sang to Samuel, and we prayed and thanked God for our dear Samuel.

I had gone to the grave the day before with just Anna, and I'm glad I did.  It gave me a chance to sit quietly and remember, to shed tears without an audience, and to "introduce" Anna to Samuel.  I don't like to think of Samuel as in his grave.  In fact, I try really, really hard not to think about his body in that tiny white box under the ground, but there isn't somewhere else to go and bring Anna to Samuel.  I wanted some time with just me and my two babies, and it was a sweet, albeit tearful, time.

At least in part because I'd been to the grave the day before, our time as a family was mostly upbeat.  I'm glad we went and have a tradition around Samuel's homegoing day.  Afterwards we went to dinner at Red Robin, and I loved sitting on the bench squished between my two boys on earth, giggling with them, playing tic-tac-toe, sharing the strawberries from my lemonade, and watching Bryan across the table snuggling our daughter.  It was one of those moments of almost supernatural clarity -- seeing how richly and ridiculously blessed we are, living fully in the moment and treasuring every second of life we've been granted together.  I know these are days I will look back on longingly and lovingly when my children are grown, and I am so thankful for the now, for these three little heads to kiss every night when I tuck them in, for the unabashed hugs they bestow on me and beseech me to bestow on them, for the safe place I am for each of my children.  Someday I will wish for just one of these days back, and I don't want to take them for granted now.  Though I wish I had a fourth little head to kiss and neck to hug, I know he's getting all the love he could ever need in Heaven, and I am enjoying my little piece of Heaven on Earth while I wait for the real Heaven to come.

Happy Anniversary of your entrance into Heaven, sweet Samuel.  I love you!

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