It's a...

We had an ultrasound several weeks ago, and we decided ahead of time that we wouldn't find out the gender at the appointment; we'd have them write it down for us, and we'd go on a date that night and open the envelope at dinner.

Before arriving at the appointment, I was pretty sure baby was a boy.  We all thought so from the beginning.  Though we warned the ultrasound tech that we didn't want to see the gender or be told, I have had enough ultrasounds to be pretty well aware of what I'm seeing.  Early in the appointment, the tech swiped by the gender area, and I was fairly sure I saw male parts.  We looked away when she revisited the area to confirm the gender, and then she wrote it down for us on a card we brought.  A short while later the doctor came in and looked at baby to see if he could tell anything about the heart (which he really couldn't because it was too early to see much), and he definitely rolled by the same area.  This time I was nearly positive I saw a penis.  When the nurse asked me what we're having while drawing blood a little while later, I told her, "We don't officially know yet, but I'm positive it's a boy."  When we left I told Bryan that I was pretty sure I knew the gender based on the ultrasound, but that I wasn't going to tell him.

All day I absorbed the surety that our next baby is a boy.  I knew ahead of time that I would be a little sad about whichever gender we are having.  I liked living with the possibility of either, and I knew I'd be sad to close the chapter on the one we won't be welcoming into the family in May.  Though I never really thought this baby was a girl, I was a little blue all day about the girl we wouldn't be meeting come spring.  I was also delighted to think of holding a cuddling another baby boy of ours, especially after not getting to do that with Samuel. 

That night we went on a date to a local restaurant called Firefly, thanks to the wonderful girls I'm mentoring.  We spent some time talking about how we'd tell the boys the next day and enjoying the little bit of time we had left not officially knowing the gender of our 5th baby.  When we finally decided to open the envelope, Bryan asked me, "So, what is it?"  I told him, "It's a boy.  I'm sure."  We proceeded to open the envelope together, me completely sure I would read the words "It's a boy!" inside.  I was expecting the same anti-climax I experienced when Joel was born, and the doctor said, "It's a boy!"  Though we were "surprised" with Joel, I knew he was a boy from the moment I found out I was pregnant, and I remember thinking once he arrived, "I already knew that.  That was so not surprising."  So, I was utterly and completely shocked and dumbfounded when the card read, "Congrats!  It's a girl!"  I let out a huge gasp in the middle of the restaurant, welled up immediately, started shaking, and said over and over again, "No!  No way!  It can't be!"  I was beyond shocked.  It took me a good five minutes to pull myself together to even form a coherent sentence.  I think Bryan thoroughly enjoyed my reaction and utter surprise.  Once I finally calmed down, I told Bryan, 'That was fun!"  Truly being surprised is a rare occurrence, and it was delightfully fun to be so blown away by happy news.

Before opening the envelope

All night we shook our heads at each other and said, "Another girl!" I woke up in the night several times, still shocked and trying to wrap my mind around two daughters.  I have always thought of us as having boys, and Anna is our wonderful, surprising anomaly.  But now our whole family dynamic will be different.  In our home, we will be even-Stephen with boys and girls.  Though we're still a boy heavy family because of our dear Samuel, to the world we will look like a family with two boys and two girls.  It's still so weird to me!

How we told the boys...

They were excited.  Caleb was hoping for a girl, and Joel was hoping for a boy, but both were happy with the news.  They hated waiting until the next evening to find out, though.

I reserved 10% disbelief for our 20 weeks ultrasound and was prepared for the possibility of them saying they were wrong, and baby is a boy afterall.  But at 20 weeks, our little one was still a girl.  So disbelief, be gone!  Our boys have officially donned her "Belle."  We're very excited about another daughter and all spend time imagining what it will be like to have two big boys and two little girls in the house.  No doubt it will be an adventure!  I wonder how long it will be before the girls rope the big brothers into playing tea party and house.  Anna already has Caleb walking with her while she pushes her new stroller around the house with her "twins," Baby and Toad (Toad is from Super Mario Brothers).  What blessed little girls Beauty and Belle are to have Caleb and Joel as big brothers!  They couldn't possibly have better ones.

(Incidentally, Belle's heart looked great at the 20 week ultrasound.  We will see Dr. Videlefsky (Samuel's ped. cardiologist) in a couple of weeks for his expert opinion, but for now, it looks hopeful, praise the Lord.)