The news I wasn't so happy to get is about my amniotic fluid. With Samuel I had polyhydramnios -- too much amniotic fluid -- and in all likelihood that was because of his heart defect. Today I learned that my amniotic fluid is once again high. High amniotic fluid can be an indication that 1) something is wrong with the baby's heart, 2) something is wrong with the baby's kidneys, or 3) the mother has gestational diabetes (diabetes only during pregnancy). So far, both Beauty's heart and kidneys appear to be normal. So we will wait and see if my gestational diabetes test is positive. After discussing the results with me, they actually had me go back in the ultrasound room to remeasure the amniotic fluid, and the second time they were even higher -- and she measured me twice on my second go just to be sure, with the second of those measurements the highest of them all.
Should this condition persist, I will be at risk for preterm labor. That is concerning given Samuel's under-developed lungs. Lungs are the last organ to develop in pregnancy, and though Samuel was 36 1/2 weeks (nearly full-term), his lungs looked like a baby born at 26 weeks (which I will be next week). I did ask if polyhydramnios is related to poor lung development, and the NP told me that it's actually the reverse: too little amniotic fluid can result in poor lung development. At least that was a relief.
The doctors are clearly concerned about this new state of affairs, but they are not alarmed. I would say that fairly accurately describes how Bryan and I are feeling as well. It makes me nervous to know that something is going on that can be indicative of heart defects and to know we're at risk for an early birth and therefore the possibility of under-developed lungs. Repeating any of the diagnoses we faced with Samuel is not something I am keen to do.
Most of all, this has reminded me that nothing is certain or promised in regards to Beauty. It makes me work to open my hands back up and hold her loosely before God, knowing she is His, not mine. Bryan and I have never assumed we will have a healthy baby to hold, love, and raise at the end of this pregnancy, but slowly over the last months, I have begun to think that Beauty will probably be the baby we have beseeched God to grant us. Today shook that a little. Regardless, God is enough NO MATTER what is ahead, but I am praying for smooth sailing. :) We covet your prayers as well. We want to rest in the peace that God is good and faithful and sufficient. I want to live by the mantra that kept me sane and peaceful during Samuel's life: "You will keep in perfect peace him whose thoughts are fixed on you" (Isaiah 26:3). And I don't want my history to make me panicky or fearful or anxious. I simply want to trust God to be God, and I want to confidently follow where He leads. In all likelihood, Beauty is healthy, and my amniotic fluid won't have a significant impact on her well-being or her life when she makes her entrance. And I don't want to waste the upcoming weeks in fear or trembling. Instead I want to treasure her life and the time I have with her in my belly, and I want to rest in my good God.